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Community: Real Life

Relatives reunited

The internet has established itself as a place for making new friends and lovers, as well as finding old ones, yet Susie never expected it to be the place where she would hear from her father after 23 years.

Susie, 25

Susie as a baby, with her Dad.

Susie as a baby, with her Dad.

He left when I was just a toddler, moved to California and that was that. Bye bye, Daddy. I'd like to say that he sought me out, that there'd been an endless search with him remorseful and desperate to make amends for all the time lost, but that was not the case. There was no Hollywood magical movie moment. Instead he emailed my Mother out of the blue and she mentioned that he had been in touch.

To say that this threw my world upside down would be an understatement. I felt sick, I felt elated, I felt angry, I felt numb. I claimed I couldn't care less. I got drunk. I cried an ocean. I told myself and anyone that would listen that I didn't need him but a friend talked me round. What if I decided I wanted to find him later and I couldn't? At the very least, getting angry and getting some answers for all the hurt he'd left me would help me forgive, wouldn't it?

I emailed him, willing on an instant reply. Then I waited. I waited some more. By the end of the longest week of my life he replied but it wasn't what I was expecting. I read a torrent of lies and abuse about my mother; there was no mention about me or the time apart. I yelled at the screen, a child having a tantrum at her father, and fired off a one line reply.

After that he apologised and slowly I began to get real information. We emailed each other sporadically. I found out he lives in LA; I have three half-brothers, the youngest just six. He wanted me to visit, to get to know me, his first born and only daughter. There was so much to think about and questions to ask myself about how much I should let him into my life - and not just him, but aunts and uncles, and brothers. How would they react to me and me them? Being so independent, the idea of becoming a part of (or being rejected by) a large family scared me.

Getting to know my father after a lifetime without him has taken some adjustment. I'm not sure I even like him for one thing, but I'm learning to forgive him and I'm giving it a go.

Lucy, 25

Lucy was contacted by her mother at Christmas after not being in touch for seven years.
I had a call on my phone from a number I didn't recognise and when I answered it there was the unmistakable voice on the end of the line: "Hello darling. It's your mother here. I'm back in the country."

"When I saw her it felt surreal - she jumped up and grabbed me into her arms and started crying and calling me her "darling" girl."

Despite the years of hurt and feelings of abandonment, I still couldn't bring myself to be anything other than nice to her. She wanted to meet up with me as she was visiting for two weeks over Christmas. I felt so nervous and sick about the reunion. It wasn't on my terms, I'd been caught unawares and she had picked a very nasty cheap chain pub to meet up in, which didn't bode well. I made an effort to look nice; I wanted her to see how well I was doing without her.

When I saw her it felt surreal - she jumped up and grabbed me into her arms and started crying and calling me her "darling" girl. I still felt completely numb and embarrassed, especially as she was sat with a table of older men, who were friends of her's from Africa.

We chatted for a couple of hours, filling each other in on the details of our lives. She'd missed me going to university, travelling, my first break up, my graduation and getting my first job. There was an underlying tension because there were so many issues from the past that neither of us was willing to bring up.

Over the next couple of weeks we met up quite a bit. When I waved her off at the train station I finally broke down. The numbness receded and I realised she was leaving me again. But at least we had that time together and the communication lines are now open for us to start talking about the important things. I'm glad to have her back in my life.

Chris, 24

Chris discovered he had an older sister 10 years ago when his Mum asked him to meet her to tell him some important news. We met in the high-class restaurant that is 'Yankee Fried Chicken' where I was shocked to hear I had an older sister.

Apparently she'd been adopted by a new family in the USA when she was very young, and now wanted to contact us. At first I was angry with my Mum for not mentioning this before, but also extremely happy. It was like discovering a new sense, like someone saying, do you realise you can do this thing called 'smelling'?

The next year my elder sister, Fran, moved to the UK for three months to get to know us all. During that time we grew pretty close and after a few transatlantic trips we are still in regular contact. I used to say that day in 'Yankee fried chicken' was one of the best in my life, and I guess it still is.


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