Addicted, agitated and angry
Question
Please help me. I can't bear to go back to my Mum's house any more because my brother is so aggressive and abusive to everyone, including my Mum. He has a serious cannabis addiction, doesn't work and is totally unapproachable. He doesn't have any friends and hardly ever leaves the house.
My Mum's so scared and feels like she can't do anything. She's tried to get help for my brother but he doesn't want it and says he doesn't even want to be happy. He's paranoid and suspicious of everyone and I think he has really low self-esteem.
He's just such a mess. I don't know how to help either of them. Is there any way I can get his mental health assessed? Is there anything I can do to help? It's got so bad that it's making me feel depressed.
Answer
It sounds like your brother's behaviour is having an increasingly negative impact on both you and your Mum. This violent and aggressive manner must be very frightening for your mum and it is understandable you are so concerned about her. It must be hard for you, trying to support her but feeling unable to go home. But please be reassured you don't have to go through this alone.
As you suggest, perhaps your brother is experiencing a lot of emotional pain himself. You say he is unemployed, has few friends, is unapproachable and spends a lot of time at home alone. The way in which he has isolated himself like this could be caused by low self-esteem and confidence. His aggressive nature and unhappiness could be due to underlying issues of anxiety or depression. Yet you also mention he has a serious cannabis addiction.
Research suggests that, as with any recreational drug use, people with existing psychological problems such as depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder (manic depression) and schizophrenia should refrain from smoking cannabis. This is simply because it can exacerbate the existing symptoms the person may have, and even lead to what is commonly known as drug induced psychosis.
For those who do not have a mental illness, smoking cannabis can make users paranoid. As Mind point out, heavy users of cannabis may experience lethargy, loss of communication skills and a general lack of ambition, which would possibly explain why your brother spends so much time alone and expresses himself in such an aggressive way, particularly towards your mum. Their faculties do return, however, if they stop smoking.
There is evidence from a wide range of sources that long-term and short-term use of cannabis can trigger a psychotic episode or schizophrenia in people who are at high risk of developing schizophrenia - for instance, people who have close family members who have schizophrenia. For further information about the risks of smoking cannabis, and the impact it may have on mental health, you may like to consider calling Rethink on 020 8547 3937 or checking out its bulletin board.
If you or your mum would like to talk about your concerns with someone regarding your brother's cannabis addiction, Talk to Frank is available on 0800 917 8765. All calls are confidential. Alternatively, Addaction offer a support service specifically for parents of children with a drug problem.
It's understandable that your Mum is scared; it must be an extremely upsetting experience for her. If you feel, at any point, that he is behaving in a way which is a danger to either himself or others, you can call the police or, if you don't want to do that, contact your local community mental health team via social services for professional assistance. Their telephone number should be in your local telephone book or on your local council website. They will be able to answer any questions you may have about how the local mental health system works and the best way of accessing emergency treatment for your brother.
Although your concerns are ultimately about your mum and brother, trying to support them both sounds very draining and stressful. Have you spoken to your doctor (GP) about your feelings? If the depression you're experiencing keeps on reoccurring you might want to consider getting a professional diagnosis. There are a number of ways of treating depression both with and without medication. Your doctor will be able to discuss the medical and talking treatment options available and they can refer you onto an appropriate counselling service.
You and your mum may also like to keep in mind the option of talking in confidence and without judgement to SANELINE on 0845 767 8000. The helpline is available to anyone experiencing or concerned about a mental health issue. You would both be able to talk through the feelings and worries you have about your brother. There is also a discussion board on the SANE website.
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Question answered by SANE
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