Social isolation
Question
I feel really stupid asking about this but lately I've been feeling increasing isolated from my friends and I don't know what to do about it.
I have three close friends but others have just faded out of my life, I even find myself hating people I used to be close too. I just keep telling myself they're arrogant but this just makes me feel paranoid.
I just don't feel like I fit in any more, what should I do?
Answer
Please don't feel stupid about asking for advice. It sounds like things have been difficult for you lately, so by sharing your feelings you've taken a step forward.
Feeling silently annoyed, resentful or disappointed with those around you can sometimes be an indication of low self-esteem. Everyone is different, and sometimes people feel misunderstood by others. This can be frustrating and it may be hard to identify with other people or feelings of doubt can creep in.
Feelings of low self-esteem can be hard to handle, especially when they are a constant part of your life. This can also create feelings of anxiety or depression, and these can increase feelings of isolation. Although everyone can experience anxiety or depression at times, when it begins to have an impact on everyday life it can be upsetting and worrying. All these things can cause feelings of distance from others, like friends and family.
Another possibility is that something may have happened to cause these feelings. It might be worth considering whether particular areas of your life are increase your feelings of isolation, such as relationships, study or work. But sometimes there is no obvious reason for these feelings and it's hard to know what is causing this distress.
You also mention feeling paranoid and suspicious about what other people think of you. This paranoia could be a reaction to the feelings you're experiencing or could possibly signify other underlying problems. If you'd like to find out more about this, you might like to have a look at MIND's information about understanding paranoia.
Friendships are often complicated and sometimes they can change or be affected by many things: growing apart; developing new interests; liking different things. Or friends may behave in ways that are upsetting and it can be hard to talk to them about it.
Although you feel you don't fit in, it's important to remember you still have three best friends and you could consider thinking of this as something positive to focus on. Sometimes people find it helps to talk about their feelings with close friends or family. If you feel able to share your feelings with your best friends, they may be able to help you by reassuring you and reminding you of the reasons why they like you as a friend. You might find, by talking things through, that they also have feelings to share with you. Or if you have a close family member you could talk to, you might like to consider talking to them to get some support.
But, understandably, you may not feel you can do this at the moment. Sometimes it can be a case of finding the right time and space to talk things through. Often people can find it hard to talk to the people close to them, but it can be a first step in getting help and support.
Alternatively, you might find it easier to talk to someone you don't know. SANELINE offers confidential, emotional support and information to anyone affected by mental health issues. You can call them on 0845 767 8000. In addition, Youth2Youth offers emotional support for young people by phone on 020 8896 3675, email or online chat.
You may also want to consider the possibility of talking through these issues with a counsellor who will be able to give you more advice and help you work out ways of handling these feelings.
Finally, you could also consider doing things that make you feel good about yourself, for example, being with people you like, spending time on any activities or interests you have and focusing on the more enjoyable aspects of your life.
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Question answered by SANE
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