Student stress
Question
I feel like I'm cracking up. I'm a final year student, and haven't even started revising for my finals yet and they start really soon. I don't know where I am going to live or what I'm going to do after uni and I haven't spoken to my Mum for nearly a year.
I feel like everyone else's lives are moving on and I'm going nowhere. I'm in serious debt and the bank has threatened to send debt collectors to my house. More problems just seem to appear all the time and I don't know what to do.
I can't sleep at night and sometimes I even end up banging my head against the wall in frustration. I don't know what's happening to my life. Is there anything that could help me? Should I be taking antidepressants or something? Please help.
Answer
It sounds like you're experiencing some very intense emotions at the moment, particularly in terms of your relationships with others and the pressure from your studies. But there are options available to you to help relieve some of the anxieties in your life at the moment.
You say you feel like you no longer have anything in common with your friends and you haven't spoken to your Mum for nearly a year. It's understandable this is upsetting you, especially as you say you feel everyone else's lives are moving on and you are going nowhere.
Feeling silently annoyed, resentful, disappointed with or distant from those around you can sometimes be an indication of low self-esteem. Feelings of low self-esteem can be hard to handle, especially when they are a constant part of your life. This can also create feelings of anxiety or depression, and these can increase feelings of isolation. Although everyone can experience anxiety or depression at times, it is very upsetting when they begin to have an impact on everyday life. All these things can cause feelings of distance from others.
Although it's impossible to make a diagnosis on the internet, disrupted sleeping patterns and feelings of frustration, anxiety and isolation can be symptoms of depression. You don't mention if you've talked to your local doctor (GP) about your feelings. If you think you're experiencing symptoms of depression you should consider getting a professional diagnosis. There are a number of ways of treating depression both with and without medication. Your doctor will be able to discuss the medical and talking treatment options available, such as antidepressants or cognitive behaviour therapy. But it's important to bear in mind that antidepressants will not solve the underlying issues that are causing you to feel the way you describe.
Can you pinpoint any particular areas of your life that increase your feelings of isolation, like relationships, study or work? Sometimes there is no obvious reason for these feelings and it's hard to know what's causing this distress. Friendships are often complicated and sometimes they can change or be affected by many things: growing apart; developing new interests; and liking different things. Or friends may behave in ways that are upsetting and it can be hard to talk to them about it.
Sometimes it can help to talk about your feelings with close friends or family. If you feel able to share your feelings with one particular person, they may be able to reassure you and remind you of all the reasons you became friends. But, understandably, you may not feel you can do this at the moment. Sometimes it can be a case of finding the right time and space to talk things through. Often people find it hard to talk to the people close to them, but it can be a first step in getting help and support.
If you don't feel able to talk to someone you know your GP should also be able to refer you onto an appropriate counselling service. If you'd like to seek this counselling independently you can contact the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP). Talking to someone like a counsellor or therapist can be helpful, as they may help you to work through your issues in a confidential, non-judgemental environment. You can also talk to someone at SANELINE on 0845 767 8000. They can offer you confidential emotional support and information.
You might also want to think about doing things that make you feel good about yourself, e.g. being with people you like, spending time on any activities or interests you have and focusing on the more enjoyable aspects of your life. This might help you to regain some perspective and allow you to focus on your revision.
If your studies are creating too much pressure for you right now, you could consider speaking to your personal tutor or a lecturer with whom you are familiar. If they know what's going on they may be able to help take the pressure of your finals off you.
Finally, it could also prove useful to speak to both your bank and your student financial support service. Being in debt can be highly stressful, but there are things you can do to try and ease the situation, such as a developing a plan of action. National Debtline is also available on 0808 808 4000. They can offer further advice and support. NUS have some useful information and advice about study and finances on their website. There are also lots of useful articles here on TheSite.org that could help you.
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Question answered by SANE
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