Abused and angry
Question
I've been abused four times throughout my life, from the age of six to about 14. I've never told anyone about it and probably never will because the abuser is quite close to my family. I'm trying to get over it now, but I still find myself getting really angry with people who are close to me, mostly my parents. I think I blame them because they didn't suspect what was going on at the time and didn't help me. Obviously they don't know why I get annoyed at them, but I really want to sort my feelings out because the constant arguing is upsetting both me and my parents.
Answer
It's clear you're going through a tough time, but you've done the right thing by finding the courage to seek advice. By going through your options for getting the support you need, you'll find a way forward that feels most appropriate to you.
Any kind of traumatic or abusive episode in your past is bound to have an impact on the way you live now. Even so, it can be overcome. The key now is to build on your desire to deal with your feelings effectively, because help is out there - it really is just a question of asking.
By writing to askTheSite, chances are it enabled you to gain some sense of control over your feelings. Often, just putting things into words can give you the kind of perspective you've been missing. To help you further, it's vital you reach out to people who will want to help you through this. If you feel unable to talk to family or friends right now, there are a number of professional, confidential and understanding services dedicated to helping people in situations like yours.
For starters, you might want to talk to a trained counsellor about your past abuse. Youth Access can provide you with details of counselling services in your area. You can call them on 020 8772 9900. The British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP), which provides information and advice on all matters related to counselling, can also send you a list of accredited counsellors in your area. Alternatively, you could call the Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Centre (RASASC) on 020 8683 3300, which offers support to women who have been raped or sexually abused however long ago.
It's important to remember that there's nothing you could've said or done to avoid what happened, but you can regain control of your life by working through the emotions you're finding so hard to handle. You might even want to consider reporting what's happened to the police. Sexual abuse is a criminal offence, after all. You won't get into trouble yourself, and it might even prevent the perpetrators from committing further crimes against others.
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Question answered by Our Relationship Advisors
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