Separating with children
What are your rights and responsibilities as an unmarried parent if you separate from your partner?
If you're unmarried and separating from your partner, it's generally best if you can both come to a friendly and informal arrangement over the care of your children. This will help to maintain a level of trust and communication between you and your partner, which will ultimately benefit your children in the long-term.
What is parental responsibility?
Having parental responsibility means you share in the responsibility for your children's health, education and welfare.
If you're the mother, you have sole responsibility for a child unless:
- You register or re-register the birth jointly with the father; or
- You make a formal agreement with the father, which is registered at court and known as a parental responsibility agreement; or
- There is a court order in favour of the father.
If you're the father, it won't automatically be assumed that you actually are the child's father. But you can get parental responsibility if you:
- Register or re-register the birth jointly with the mother; or
- Make a parental responsibility agreement with the mother; or
- Obtain a court order; or
- Become the child's guardian (which would only take effect on the mother's death); or
- Marry the mother.
If you're the gay partner of a child's parent, you have no automatic parental responsibility for your partner's child, although you may still get parental responsibility through a court order.
Financial support of children
Even if your child isn't living with you after separating from your partner, you must offer financial support. Also, bear in mind that a father who isn't named on the birth certificate is still responsible for financially supporting his children, whether he has parental responsibility or not. Any parent may be contacted by the Child Support Agency (CSA) for financial support of children.
You can make financial arrangements:
- By a voluntary agreement
This could be a verbal or written agreement between you and your ex-partner to make regular payments to the other for the support of your children. For example, one of you could make all rent or mortgage payments, or pay for the children's clothing. It may be a good idea to get an agreement drawn up by a solicitor in case of future disputes; - Through the CSA
The CSA assesses and collects maintenance payments for children under 16 (under 19 if they're in full-time, non-advanced education). If you're a single parent claiming Income Support or Jobseeker's Allowance you will normally have to use the CSA to get financial support for your children; - Through court orders In some circumstances, the court can make an order for regular payments or a one-off lump sum to be made for the children. To do this you must contact a solicitor. You might also be able to get help for legal costs.
Family mediation
Family mediators are trained to help both you and your ex-partner to agree on what will be best for you and your children. You must both be willing to speak to a mediator voluntarily. Once there, the mediator will listen to both sides equally, and any decisions you make will not be legally binding.
There are two main types of family mediation:
- Out-of-court mediation
You can use a family mediator at any time after you've split up to encourage cooperation between you and your ex. They can also help you resolve disagreements without having to resort to legal action. You can call the Family Mediation Helpline to find a mediator in your area on 0808 200 0033; - Court-based dispute resolution
If you and your ex can't come to an agreement over the care of your children, you can ask a court to make decisions for you. The court will usually ask a Children and Family Reporter to work out the best possible arrangements for you and your children. Sometimes they will try to come to a solution without having to go on with the court case. If this happens, the judge can make an order to confirm what was agreed. If not, the judge can order that a full report is produced before making a decision.
What decisions a court can make
A court will only make a decision about the care of children if it's in the best interest of the children themselves. A decision might include the following:
- Residence order
This will determine who the child will live with. The order can be made so that the child lives with one parent only, or both. If the latter, the order will specify for how long each parent will spend with the child; - Contact order
This will give details on the type of contact a parent can maintain with a child they're not living with, such as telephoning, visiting or writing letters. It can also allow for conditions of contact with other relatives, such as grandparents; - Parental responsibility order
If you're the father and don't already have parental responsibility you can apply for this, which will give you the right to keep up direct and regular contact with your child.
Thanks to Citizens Advice Bureau for help with this article.
Written by Matt Whyman
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